There is a solid chance you may not think of yourself as a bearded hipster. You’re just a guy who happens to have a beard, right? Maybe you’ve always been a bearded guy, so you think it’s unfair that people label you as a hipster because you’ve had your beard even before it was cool.
If this thought ever crossed your mind that is just one of the signs that you are, in fact, a hipster – loving something before it was cool – a classic telltale sign.
However, there is still a chance you may not be one, provided that you don’t recognise yourself in any of the following five signs. One is still safe, two is risky, three is almost definite, and I don’t even have to say what happens if you tick all five boxes!
You’re massively into beard grooming
Don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware that beards don’t just magically look good and that a certain amount of grooming is necessary.
However, if your bathroom cabinet contains more beard grooming products than all the others combined, you are definitely on the bearded hipster route.
Do you trim your beard as soon as you see that it’s not perfect? Do you own a special shampoo and conditioner for it? Do you own a variety of nurturing and styling products, such as beard oils, balms, and pomades? Do you tend to your beard for longer than it takes you to shower, style your hair, take care of your skin, and pick an outfit?
If the answer is yes, your first sign is already here.
Let’s open that closet, shall we?
When you open your closet, how many items do you see that you either took from your dad or grandpa, or scouted for in thrift and vintage stores?
If you dress even remotely similar to how your grandpa did back in the fifties, you have yourself a second sign.
Sure, you might own a trendy pair of jeans and perhaps even a futuristic graphic tee or two, but your style could be best described as a ‘polished ‘50s gentleman meets hunky lumberjack’.
If you happen to wear hats and own a pocket watch that you sometimes rock with your vintage vest, oh, my friend, you are already deep into the bearded hipster realm.
New favourite fruit perhaps?
Five years ago, when asked what your favourite fruit is, your reply would contain one of the ‘regular’ fruits, such as strawberries, peaches or you would simply say that you’re not really a fruit guy.
However, in a recent couple of years, the tables have turned and somehow your kitchen is never short of one little fashion fruit – the mighty avocado.
You do not only love it, but you make sure you put it in everything; from simply starting your morning with a few bites or a smoothie with a lot of avocado in it, to sandwiches and salads.
You even make sure that the meals you order in restaurants contain it because suddenly, it’s your absolute favourite and you can’t imagine your diet without it.
Avocados? Really? Dude, you are such a hipster, but let’s seal the deal with sign number five.
You like your coffee the way you like your beard
By this I mean black and strong. Hipsters are known for their love of artisan things, from home décor made by indie artists to craft beers made by small local breweries, and of course, you have a thing for the best strongest coffee you can possibly find.
If on top of loving this kind of bean, you actually buy them and enjoy the ritual of brewing your own perfect cup of coffee, and sometimes even show off your skill by treating your girlfriend or friends to a cup made from scratch, you’ve reached sign number three.
This basically means that there is almost no turning back, but let’s find the next two just to make sure.
Roll up those sleeves, show it off
Oh, you have a tattoo? Well, I certainly didn’t see that one coming. Oh, sorry, you have more than one and you’re actually designing your next one as I speak.
You have your trusty tattoo artist who creates the most incredible and meaningful art, and your ink isn’t just a fad. Every tattoo hides a deeply personal and meaningful symbolism.
Kidding aside, there is nothing wrong with tattoos, they’re pretty cool and the girls seem to like guys with tattoos (other guys dig them too), but if you have at least a dot of permanent ink on your body, that settles it.
If you have ticked all five boxes, then you can consider yourself the bearded hipster supreme, because very few guys manage to get through all five levels.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being who you are, but it’s even better when you admit it, because it will bug people when you deny the obvious. Congrats, now you’re in the know, go spread the word.